Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
