My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
