Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
