That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
