Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
