If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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