I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
