I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My bed smells like the plague
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
