after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
