ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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