Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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