when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
