remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
