Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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