We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
