What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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