OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
