You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
