my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
