Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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