They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
