when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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