i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
