he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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