honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
