my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
