Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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