Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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