why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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