i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
