I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
