Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
