What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
