i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she peed on how many people?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
