A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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