what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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