Whatcha textin bout Willis?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
