I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
