Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
