i think i have two assholes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
