When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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