Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My vagina is officially offended.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
