i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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