Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

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(858): View more from California

Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?

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(607): View more from New York

The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.

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(563): View more from Iowa

The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.

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(313): View more from Michigan

We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us

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(214): View more from Texas

I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.

(469): View more from Texas

I have the flu.

(214): View more from Texas

I don't give a shit

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(620): View more from Kansas

I'm so gassy and it's your fault.

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