so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
God I need to hump something, right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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