so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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