he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
