my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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