Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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