i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
