according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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